A bit about me

Rosy-NapaFrom the day I burst out of my mother’s womb (“like gangbusters,” as she likes to say), I’ve been a creative, intuitive, ‘highly-sensitive’ type who inevitably blundered her way down unbeaten, non-linear (often incomprehensible) paths… while unfortunately, judging myself all the while.

 

Again and again, I’ve found myself flying in the face of personal, cultural, even “spiritual” conditioning.

 

I have moved from one country to another, and have gone ‘back to school’ so many times I can’t even count — each time, shaking up the entire foundation and identity that came with the first education and resulting career.  I can’t even count how many licenses I’ve ultimately rejected or thrown out, after going through the entire (INTENSE!) education, because in the end, I felt the call for greater freedom. (And believe me, that hasn’t been easy, because along with those licenses, come status, open doors and a society that ‘gets’ you!)

 

Like many of us Westerners, I was raised to believe that

I needed to know (up in my head) who I was, where I was going,

why I was going there, and how I planned to get there.  

 

I thought it a ‘human prerequisite’ to find a service or professional identity that could be intelligibly talked about at dinner parties. (A prerequisite I never managed to fulfill.) So I can say with great sincerity that I really do know something about the pain and the gifts that accompany the unbeaten path.

 

I also know what a bright yet deeply conditioned mind can do to a person who isn’t meant for the cookie-cutting business, who is simply trying to find her own way in life.

 

Sales-Q6-JustMoreInteresting

 

Like so many young girls, I also learned at a very early age that to be a good girl, a good daughter, sister, friend… to be a ‘safely successful woman’, I had to sacrifice my needs and hold back my power so that others could get their needs met, and ultimately shine.

 

So you could say I spent the majority of my childhood and early adulthood twisting myself into pretzels — trying to be impressively focused, creative and successful… endlessly supportive, giving and selfless… WHILE swallowing my feelings, hiding my gifts and avoiding competition at all costs.

 

Sales-Q7-BlessingCurse

 

My ability to empathize and help others, to intuitively tune into the needs and desires of the WE (whether the WE was my family, friends, community, organization or institution I was a part of, or the whole world) became both a blessing and a curse.

 

On the one hand, these abilities reflected my deepest core (not just belief but) KNOWING that we are truly all connected, and that when we meet the needs of others, we’re ultimately meeting our own needs. Because in the end, there’s no difference.  We’re all ONE.

 

And on the other hand, (and in this paradoxical world of ours, there is usually ‘an other hand!’), my We-orientation became one of my main life challenges — a protective shield, survival strategy and wound-based identity all wrapped up in one. It kept me burying my own needs and feelings, perceiving my boundaries as dangerous, and either giving in to outer pressures and ignoring my self-preserving & non-linear instincts, or following my unique-self-celebrating & non-cookie-cutter instincts… and feeling like a failure.

 

Makes me realize how much I owe my sanity (and BLOSSOMING!) to two things:

 

Sales-Q10-THING1

 

When I think about it, it was probably through engaging in the creative process – in just about every possible way — that my unique life path was rescued.  Years of puddling around in paints, making silly sounds, and flipping words like pancakes, helped me become as resilient, pliable, adaptive, persistent and faith-filled as I am today.

 

It’s through CREATIVITY that I learned how to feel comfortable (as comfortable as one can ever feel) in the unknown. That I learned how to feel comfortable ENOUGH not-knowing-where-I-was-going that I could actually hang in there through the unstable juicy process called LIFE, without giving up or giving into the pressures and expectations mounting inside and all around me, pushing me to get my act together and become an Impressive Success and/or Pleaser Machine.

 

It was also through the CREATIVE process that I came to know myself, that I was allowed to explore my inner world. Not just explore, but to get totally absorbed in that world. I remember disappearing into a painting or a dance or a writing journal. And for those precious minutes or hours, sometimes even days, the needs and wishes of other people delightfully wafted into the background. For a We-oriented girl and woman, there was no greater medicine.

 

Sales-Q11-THING2

 

While the creative process preserved my spirit, I’d have to say that it was an enthusiastic encounter with Human Design (and beyond, i.e. Gene Keys!) that grounded — and ultimately allowed me to fully embrace — my authentic life. One of the biggest gifts I received from my work with Human Design  is that it helped me learn how to put something ELSE in charge of my life than my mind.

So now, even though my mind isn’t at the helm anymore, SOMETHING IS… There is something I can turn to when I feel completely flooded, overwhelmed and overstimulated. There is an authority inside of me, a TRUTH compass, that is consistent and reliable and oh-so-helpful.

 

Sales-Q12-Overtheyears

 

It is my hope that this blog will be a place for you to feel increased permission to be who you are, and to discover & honor the (sometimes paradoxical) gems of your own life journey.

Facebook Comments: