Go on a should binge

A Designed to Blossom participant shared about an experience she had, where she signed up for a course largely because she got swept up in the enthusiasm of a dear friend. But then, after some time experiencing the course for herself, she could feel that the fit wasn’t right for her. So, despite moments of self-doubt, guilt and a little shame, she allowed herself to leave the course, and felt great relief.


Here’s my response, in case you have ever found yourself in a similar situation.

As someone with the 3/5 Profile, I have a very deep appreciation for the trial-and-error learning process. Actually, I don’t even think we can truly understand what it feels like to live authentically, if we don’t at times go against the grain of our Authorities, or give into pressures, or get swept up by another’s enthusiasm, or attempt to please someone, or lose our way.


How else are we going to know what ‘our way’ is, what it looks and feels like, what its boundaries are, what a good fit feels like, and what a bad fit feels like, etc.? It’s all wonderful grist for the mill. It’s all a worthy part of the process of discovery.


And when we approach our life with this kind of a curious, permission-giving, always-ready-to-learn-something attitude, every decision we make (even the ones that on one level aren’t ‘right’) has the potential to become ‘right’.


Had you not had this experience, you might not feel as motivated as you do now to take more time during your next decision-making experience. You might not have as much insight into the kinds of situations (ie. feeling excited when someone you care deeply about is excited, and your genuine wish to go on a journey with someone you respect and enjoy) that tend to encourage impulsivity in you. You might not have shared this story with the rest of us, and you might not have realized that the courage it took you to say ‘no’ to something you had already said ‘yes’ to is actually appreciated and applauded by others. That there’s no shame in it, that most of us can relate to it, and could use a little permission to have a few more wobbles in our own lives. And we might not have benefitted from the lesson you learned.


I wanted to share something that is written in the Generator material in the program here, where I encourage people to go on a ‘Should Binge’. I think this applies to everyone, no matter what the Type.




Take a day to totally push yourself to do all sorts of things you really don’t feel like doing, with people you don’t feel like being with. Really push, initiate, pursue, keep pursuing, regardless of whether you feel a flow or received or resisted. Ignore your body’s signals as much as you possibly can. (For Projectors, ignore whether you’ve been invited or not, or whether you feel genuine love for the activity, or genuine connection with the person, or not.)


And see what happens!


There is so much to be learned from this experiment. And it’s not always clear-cut. It can take a long time to get a feel for how your own response system (or Authority, for other Types) works.


Some people — when they try to ignore their body’s clear messages — end up having obviously horrible days & learn how important it is to trust their body’s yes’s and no’s.


Others realize that they have no idea what their bodies are telling them, so they don’t even know whether they’re ignoring their bodies’ messages or not. They learn that they need a lot more practice at simply understanding and communicating with their bodies.


Others have particularly confusing days — where some ‘pushed-through’ actions don’t feel good at all, but others feel surprisingly good. (i.e. Someone really doesn’t feel like going to a party, or a dance class, but once they’re there, they have a great time.)


It can really take time to learn how to discern between resistance that comes from fear, and the genuine ‘no’ — or ‘uhn uhn’– arising from the body.


Sometimes our bodies actually have energy to do something, but our minds have us convinced that doing it is dangerous or wrong. So, we experience an internal ‘holding back’ that could easily be confused with a lack of belly response. (Or lack of our Authority’s blessing or Strategic harmony)


So when we decide to take a day where we push ourselves to do things we have resistance to, we can learn something about the source of the resistance. If we genuinely enjoy something we pushed through, chances are that there was a genuine response (or rightness) in there somewhere… and we may be dealing with an area of our life where our genuine energy (or love, or rightness, or truth) has been habitually suppressed. This can lead to a very juicy inquiry… and further experimentation!


Similarly, sometimes our bodies seem driven to do something, but really, it’s just an addictive pattern, driven by fear and/or survival coping strategies that have been operating in our lives for a long time. In these cases, the true response is overridden by the habitual behavior.


So patience and compassion and experimentation are key here.


LET YOURSELF LEAVE (Let “Oops!” be a legal word!)


Give yourself permission to stop doing something you’ve started, if you’re not into it. Even if you sign up for a class and have paid for it… If you show up a few times, and you just aren’t enjoying it, leave. If you go to a party, and you’re not that into it, leave. Even if it feels forbidden, and scary.


This is especially (but not only) true for Manifesting Generators.

One last thing, in answer to someone’s question. The Sacral Center (or gut) of Generators is said to have a consistent voice. It doesn’t always express itself in words. It’s more likely to come out in sounds, or in surges of energy. The thing about the particular voice of the Sacral Center is that it can really only say one of two things, “YES” or “NO”. In other words, “Yes, I’ve got energy to do this right now.” Or, “No, I don’t have energy to do this right now.” If nothing’s happening in the Sacral Center, it means that whatever happens to be in question, the Sacral Center just doesn’t know yet.


So we often encourage Generators to have others ask them “Yes and No” questions, so that they can learn what it is that they have energy for, and what they don’t. (Often, the Sacral doesn’t agree with the mind, so its answers can be surprising.)


It’s ideal for Generators to be asked by someone else, someone they trust, and someone who isn’t at all attached to the particular answers. When we Generators attempt to ask ourselves these questions, our answers aren’t always quite so accurate, because our own minds are asking the questions, thus directing the exploration.


That said, we don’t always have people around us to ask questions. So there are ways to learn (over time) how to check in with our own bellies. We can get very good (just as someone with Emotional Authority can get good at recognizing when enough clarity has been reached, or enough ‘distance’ has been achieved, and what that feels like, just like someone with Splenic Authority can learn how to detect that subtle Splenic hit) at sensing when our bellies are genuinely turned on, or when they’re being subtly cajoled into action.


Sometimes I write a list of Yes/No questions for myself, if there’s something I want to know, and I don’t quite trust myself to facilitate my Sacral process. Then I have someone else ask them of me. There have also been times when I’ve created general lists of questions for myself to look at in the morning, to help me align with my energy body. (i.e. Are you in the mood to go for a walk? Is there someone you’d like to connect with? Would it be right for you to think about… deal with… etc.)


As with everything, it’s all an experiment. And we’re all so different.



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