I NEED VALIDATION!

A Designed to Blossom community member recently shared a hilarious music video that I thought you might appreciate. This particular member is a Projector, and could relate to the feeling of being ‘unnoticed’. Below is my response, as someone who knows the feeling too! (I recommend you watch the video first.)

I got such a laugh with that video!!!! Thank you for sharing that with us, as well as the ’embarrassing’ yet extremely human fact that you can relate. I don’t know many people on the planet (even those who aren’t triple Leo projectors) who don’t relate to the need for acknowledgment or external validation in some way.  

This is a deep core need in most people (it’s actually been expressed recently in others’ posts here in our group too, so you’re not alone!). And as you know from your own life experience, it can take years (lifetimes) to get to a place where we begin to feel worthy, good, appreciated and validated enough from within to feel safe and secure in our bodies, our relationships and the world. In a way you could say this is what we’re all here to learn. This is our collective path to freedom.


Healing the need for external validation is HUMANITY 101. (For anyone open to diving deep into a contemplation on this subject, I highly recommend The Gene Keys, by Richard Rudd. Check out Gene Key 55 in particular.)


I’m reminded of the saying, “Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.” Awakening is rarely a flashy business. Even for people who are designed to express a healthy, radiant ego, the journey of growing up, of maturing spiritually and emotionally, of opening the heart usually requires a humbling process. Think of this time in your life as a wonderful opportunity to practice humility.


In this moment, what I love is that even in the presence of a strong longing to be appreciated, feelings of bitterness, even moments of panic… you have still managed to be more chill than usual, and most of all, you still have a sense of humor. You can laugh at yourself. (There are few things that fill my cup — or shift my state — more than a big old laugh.)


You also can recognize yourself in this musician. He is a kindred spirit who has found a way to transmute the pain of his own personal experience into a form of service — a form of art that uplifts, that helps all of us take ourselves less seriously.

For anyone who feels inspired, I’d be curious to hear what are the things you find yourself doing, or not doing, when your need to be seen and recognized becomes so big that it’s hard to tolerate the discomfort of it?


What kind of compromises do you find yourself making? How do you find yourself behaving? I’m mostly interested at this point in the ways you step outside of your integrity, or your natural way of being… in order to connect and feel seen.


Do you speak/write too much? Reach out to people who aren’t capable of receiving you? Do you overwhelm people? Give unasked for advice? Tend to criticize or share opinions to people who don’t get it? Keep pursuing or nurturing relationships even if they are neglectful, unhealthy or abusive at their core? Dress in a certain way? Laugh at jokes you don’t find funny? Attend parties you don’t really enjoy? Or do you hide away and hope someone will discover you or notice that you’re missing? Do you complain because you don’t think you’ll get attention any other way? Do you martyr yourself? Give yourself negative attention? etc.


It’s always good to have a little self-inquiry going on — while we’re waiting for our next invitation, or genuine response, or Love-Yes from within.

I also invite you to think about 5 things you appreciate most about yourself (that has gone unnoticed as of late), if you’re willing. (Lord knows all of us could probably use some more self-acknowledgement than we’re used to getting.)

 

 

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