I’m starting to say ‘no’ more, and it’s freaking me (and everyone else) out!

One of the Designed To Blossom participants, as she got deeper into her Human Design and blossoming experiment, found that she started to set more limits in her relationships. She didn’t feel in control of her No’s. They were just coming out. The whole thing was freaking her out, and she was concerned that it was freaking out the people around her as well. I share it here in case any you are learning to set healthy limits, and could use some encouragement. 

Over the years, I’ve had many opportunities to ‘grow into my name’. One of the most important lessons I’ve had to learn as a “rose-in-training” is to embrace and use my thorns. They are there for a profound purpose — especially when we’re (finally) learning to courageously open our soft, delicate petals and share our gifts and essence with the world.

Given the extreme “selfless conditioning” I (and I imagine many of you) received growing up, and my genuinely caring nature, learning how to say ‘no’ — in a balanced, self-loving, assertive and effective way — has been, and still is, a daily practice.

There have been times in my life when it just hit me over the head… the extent to which I was losing myself in my relationships, or giving my energy away to those who didn’t truly value it, or not saying ‘no’ when I really needed or wanted to.

Usually it’s been some extreme life situation (i.e. a sickness, a sense of utter burn out, some really uncomfortable — and very familiar — interaction with someone which left me feeling utterly invisible, used, disrespected, etc.) that has awakened me to the old pattern, as if I were waking up from a bad dream.

During these potent moments, I’ve emerged with a new level of vigilance and self-preservation instincts. And I’ve acted in ways that may have felt a bit odd and shocking to those who had grown accustomed to my selfless, understanding, overly accommodating ways.

Sometimes I’d feel a little shocked by their shock… but mostly I’d feel guilty, like I’d done something wrong… either by setting the limit in the first place, or by having led them on by never having set the limit in the first place. And then I’d do a little back-peddling, or over-compensating in an attempt to minimize the damage. And then I’d feel resentful again… and say ‘no’ with more vigor than the situation might have called for (because again, I was saying ‘no’ to years of feeling like Cinderella).

I share this just to give some normalcy to any shaky, surprising, shocking, scary, wobbly part of the process you’re going through. And to say that it’s totally OK if it feels a little awkward, if you go a little back and forth, if not everyone (including you) knows what exactly to make of you & how you’re behaving while you’re growing healthfully into your thorns.

During these times, humor comes particularly in handy. Those people in your life who really love and get you will rejoice in these changes, even if the transformative process is a little bumpy. They will also be able to laugh with you… (My guess is that your real friends will be deeply inspired by you too, as we all are here.)

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